Sunday, June 27, 2010

Marriage Equity

We had the discussion about a week ago. The question that this article got me pondering: should we get married and take advantage of the privileges of being married while it is illegal for gay people to? I'm still not totally sure how I feel. I can see the position on both sides. Andrew reacted with more intensity than I thought. Apparently he'd been thinking about it too.
It forced us to talk about the why's we haven't discussed yet. Why do we want to get married? Why would we not get married? Okay, so, the reasons to get married included the fact that it makes so many things easier (insurance, purchasing big things like a house I would imagine), it's the next step to take in our relationship since we've decided to spend out lives together (yay!), and we want to be committed to each other. I'm leaving out the obvious crazy in love part. Reasons not to get married include the fact that our friends can't. Not everyone who loves is allowed to marry, and that is something about the state of our country that we should all be ashamed of. This presents a serious reason not to get married. We then have to ask ourselves if by getting married we are supporting an unjust system, or if it makes more sense to change it from within.
Addy Fox, who wrote the above article, has decided not to get married for the obvious ethical implications, and I think that is a really valid reason. There is always some value in protest, even if it's not something the world gets to see. Her family and friends will know that she's not getting married, they'll know why, and that's enough. I'm really grateful she acknowledges that this may feel like an empty gesture for some people, but presents her decison as her decision. it's not right for everyone, but it works for her. To be honest, for me it does feel like somewhat of an empty gesture. Here's a short play illustrating what this might look like:

ME: I think that the state of marriage equity in this country is disgusting.
GAY COMMUNITY: Okay, me too.
M: I want to do something about it.
GC: Great! Where are you going to start?
M: I'm not getting married!
GC: .......
M: You're welcome, gay community!

I'm just not sure if I would feel like I'm actually doing anything that would help somebody. To me it would seem more effective to make a donation to LAMBDA legal or something. Maybe gay people really do appreciate it when straight couples don't get married out of protest. I don't know. I don't know if this is ultimately the road we're going to go down. All I know is that it warrants serious consideration.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Questions To Consider

Here are some things to think about for the future.

1) Andrew wanted to have the wedding on the Winter Solstice because it's the longest night of the year; hence, the longest party in theory. Is it cruel to hold a wedding in the dead of winter? Initially I said yes, but then I think about weddings I've been to in the dead of summer that are excruciating because I hate the heat. Some people hate the cold. I suppose it depends on which extreme you revile the most...personal preference and all that. Travel could be an issue, but it could be totally fun (and much cheaper)!

2) Attendants. I liked being one. I understand the desire to honor special people in your life. I still feel like it's more trouble than it's worth. I'd like to find other ways to honor my buddies and avoid having to choose certain people over others. I'm still thinking about it.

3) I want a fun cake too! Andrew has an idea for his groom's cake that's very him and I want one too! I don't want tiers with pillars and sugar flowers. At a wedding show I saw a cake from Craig's Cake Shop in Verona that was a stump with the bride and groom's initials "carved" into the bark icing. How cute is that? It looks awesome too...very realistic.

More on this story as it develops...

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

My Dress

Here it is! Way more bridal than I thought I would end up with, but so much fun to wear. I want it 100% payed off and in my closet so I can start pondering alterations! I thought about trying to make it more sweetheart, but the beads already give you that illusion. I love the ruched wrapping on top and the asymmetrical way it ends. Love, love.