Father-Daughter Dunk?

As I was thinking about ways to personalize my wedding I thought about the father-daughter dance. It just doesn't feel right for my dad and I because we don't dance together. Plus, the first dance songs tend to come off as more incestuous than sweet. You all know you've heard one. We could, of course, but I have other great memories from childhood. Like Basketball!!!

I spent many weekends with my dad at the park learning how to shoot, so what better way to honor him? See dad, I still got my skills! (Actually I don't. Andrew and I shoot hoops in the gym sometimes, and he kicks my ass evey time. The other guys make fun of me, "Trying out for the WNBA, huh?") I may not be as accurate, but I still have the correct form at least, and that's what he worked so hard to teach me. Having a dad who took the time to teach me and share something he loves with me seems to be a somewhat rare thing, and I am so thankful he did that for me. I think this would be a great option for us instead of a dance and WAY more fun. I don't know his feelings about it, and I kind of hope he doesn't read this and this post gives it away, but I think it would be so much more personal, more us. It would make the "first" about something we truly share rather than simply doing what is expected by the wedding world. Plus, the idea of swaying back and forth for 3 minutes isn't appealing AT ALL. Now, to find a venue with a basketball hoop!

Pictures from Flickr and RussellMartinPhotography.com respectively. How much do you love that bride playing b-ball with her ladies?!

Andrew and I bought a Power Ball ticket today and were daydreaming about what we'd do if we won upwards of 200 million dollars. We talked about buying a house, paying off our student loans, making sure our families were financially secure, and taking month-long vacations. It wasn't until about an hour later that he said, "And we could get married!"
We laughed about how this was our final thought about what to do with a billion dollars, but then I thought maybe that was a bad thing.
Obviously to think of it dead last indicates that it's not as important as these other life goals and family, which means that our priorities are inthe right place. I don't think it means we don't care about getting married because we do, but not that much will change. It's not like we have to get used to living with eachother because we've been doing it for over 3 years. We already feel like we're living the way we would be if we were already married. Some days I just want to be married already and plan a party instead. Andrew talked me out of eloping a long time ago, but I still think about it.

In Praise of Being Engaged

This is a post I've been meaning to write for some time, but I've been collecting my thoughts until now. Seeing as how I've gotten a temporary reprieve from school work, here are my mojito-fueled thoughts about a long engagement, wedding planning during the engagement process, and stopping to smell the roses.
I am completely enjoying my long engagement. I am in grad school and working full time, and I can't begin to imagine how I would plan a wedding right now. I have to structure all my free time in order to get all my reading done as it is. Thinking about adding cake and food testings, DIY projects, touring venues, writing vows, etc to that makes me tired and it would suck all the joy out of the process. I am enjoying being an engaged person and everything that comes with it rather than someone planning a wedding. Most people I've seen get married in recent years follow the 8-10 month rule (as in 8-10 moths after the engagement there will be a wedding) and I'm sure this is by necessity in some cases. If I were in the throws of planning right now there would be a lot of ideas I would miss because of the time crunch, I would miss the opportunity to deliberate and think about what I really want, and worst of all I would miss being engaged! My missing sense of urgency contributes to my high level of comfort with our long engagement too. I am in no rush for any reason. I'm lucky in that respect.

I didn't think joining the world of engaged people would feel different, but it does. After a four year relationship and 3 years living together, I thought the only palpable difference would be having a ring on all the time. I don't know about you, but I felt immediately different in an excited and deliriously happy kind of way. Everything we had talked about was suddenly happening: lifetime committment, a public and legal expression of love/joining of our families, and building a life together. It's not that these things don't exist if you decide to start wedding planning right away, they totally do, I just think I would be missing out on this time with my intended to enjoy this moment in time and these wonderful feelings of anticipation, deep love, and comfort that I'm having. I have never been like this. I am always thinking 5 steps ahead, so jumping into planning would have been totally natural. I am not usually an in-the-moment kind of gal, so this is new for me...but nice.

I was finally spurred into action to write this post because of this video on Offbeat Bride. While there is definitely some good advice in there for the perpetually anxiety ridden bride, Ariel does say that this can be caused by a long engagement. I agree that having a year or more to mull over what people will think, are these linen colors right, do I have enough food, can drive you mad with worry. I think one answer to this dilemma is know thyself. If you are a worrier and can swing it, get married sooner rather than later. If you want time to think and collect information give yourself that time. That all sounds a little cut and dry, but starting from a point where you know you limits and can work around issues that will drive you crazy is probably a great place to start. Woulda, shoulda, coulda, right? I'm really determined to follow this "make a decision and stick to it" thing, which will also serve you well no matter what your personality is.
I am personally loving all this time I have to deliberate and just be. Anyone else love the long engagement?

Reality Check

One of the many things I love about our relationship is that Andrew and I call each other on our bullshit...in a very safe and loving way, of course. Case in point:
As we were developing a food shopping list yesterday, I added that we needed to go to the mall and get shampoo. Expensive, salon brand, herbal shampoo that we've been indulging in with our extra funds. He gave me that you've got to be kidding look (everybody's significant other has one) and reminded me that I was just saying that we need to cut back because I just started grad school, and he hopes to start in a little over a year. I didn't like to be reminded of this, but he's absolutely right.
This is a tiny example, but we both routinely serve as a reality check for the other. We keep each other honest and on track. We help remind each other what's important (school, not shampoo), and I think this bodes well for the time when we do get down to the nitty gritty of wedding planning. It's easy to get carried away if you don't have something or someone to ground you. Should I spend $1.00 extra per invitation for the cooler paper? Do we have enough flowers for lush centerpieces? Whatever the issue becomes, one of us will always be there to tell the other who cares. I'm also confident that this will help us achieve a happy and successful marriage. We each feel safe confronting the other with a dissenting opinion, but it's always done in a caring way. It's never used as an excuse to attack or put down the other person. This is a small way in which I'm reminded that I have found the best person for me.