In Praise of Being Engaged

This is a post I've been meaning to write for some time, but I've been collecting my thoughts until now. Seeing as how I've gotten a temporary reprieve from school work, here are my mojito-fueled thoughts about a long engagement, wedding planning during the engagement process, and stopping to smell the roses.
I am completely enjoying my long engagement. I am in grad school and working full time, and I can't begin to imagine how I would plan a wedding right now. I have to structure all my free time in order to get all my reading done as it is. Thinking about adding cake and food testings, DIY projects, touring venues, writing vows, etc to that makes me tired and it would suck all the joy out of the process. I am enjoying being an engaged person and everything that comes with it rather than someone planning a wedding. Most people I've seen get married in recent years follow the 8-10 month rule (as in 8-10 moths after the engagement there will be a wedding) and I'm sure this is by necessity in some cases. If I were in the throws of planning right now there would be a lot of ideas I would miss because of the time crunch, I would miss the opportunity to deliberate and think about what I really want, and worst of all I would miss being engaged! My missing sense of urgency contributes to my high level of comfort with our long engagement too. I am in no rush for any reason. I'm lucky in that respect.

I didn't think joining the world of engaged people would feel different, but it does. After a four year relationship and 3 years living together, I thought the only palpable difference would be having a ring on all the time. I don't know about you, but I felt immediately different in an excited and deliriously happy kind of way. Everything we had talked about was suddenly happening: lifetime committment, a public and legal expression of love/joining of our families, and building a life together. It's not that these things don't exist if you decide to start wedding planning right away, they totally do, I just think I would be missing out on this time with my intended to enjoy this moment in time and these wonderful feelings of anticipation, deep love, and comfort that I'm having. I have never been like this. I am always thinking 5 steps ahead, so jumping into planning would have been totally natural. I am not usually an in-the-moment kind of gal, so this is new for me...but nice.

I was finally spurred into action to write this post because of this video on Offbeat Bride. While there is definitely some good advice in there for the perpetually anxiety ridden bride, Ariel does say that this can be caused by a long engagement. I agree that having a year or more to mull over what people will think, are these linen colors right, do I have enough food, can drive you mad with worry. I think one answer to this dilemma is know thyself. If you are a worrier and can swing it, get married sooner rather than later. If you want time to think and collect information give yourself that time. That all sounds a little cut and dry, but starting from a point where you know you limits and can work around issues that will drive you crazy is probably a great place to start. Woulda, shoulda, coulda, right? I'm really determined to follow this "make a decision and stick to it" thing, which will also serve you well no matter what your personality is.
I am personally loving all this time I have to deliberate and just be. Anyone else love the long engagement?

The Rock, The Bling, The Merchandise

Well, here it is. This is my engagement ring, and I sometimes feel like it's a little large. The setting is taller than I'd like, and I'm sorry if I've inadvertantly scratched you with it...if I haven't already I may someday. You've been warned.

Picking out a ring was a really big deal to me, not only because of the obscene amounts of money that can be spent, but because purchasing one seemed like a signature on a contract...this is really going to happen someday! Getting married has always seemed like something other people do. I wasn't sure that it would happen to me, and I wasn't seeking it out as a life goal. I found it hard to believe that there was someone who would want to spend that much time with me and vice versa. Buying this ring entailed a deep committment, which I am not afraid of, but I was never sure I'd reach that point with another person. And here we are.

Andrew has always been way ahead of me in terms of being ready to take the next step towards marriage, so we shopped for wedding rings together as per his suggestion. I didn't know that it is a) unusual for a couple to purchase an engagement ring together and b) a complete anomaly for the girl to then hold on to said ring for a few years. These things were made abundantly clear to me as I began to tell people that we had not only looked at rings, but bought one. The first question was usually something like, "How could it still be a surprise?" To me the surprise and fun of the "engagement ask" was going to be the where and the how, not what size and shape the stone was. This decision was met with some surprise by other ladies, but I am really glad that we shopped together for several reasons. First of all, Andrew has exceptional taste, and he often picks out clothes that look better on me than what I would have chosen, so I wanted his input in the process. Mostly it was just a really fun experience that got us in the mood to think about our wedding and our future. I got to try on different ring styles with different size and shape stones, and I ended up choosing something completely different from what I initially thought I wanted.

My favorite part was that we made our first big team decision. We hashed out a budget, researched a couple jewelers, and performed some online reconnaissance before we went to Shane Co. to try them on. I do wish there was a Shane Co. in Wisconsin that you guys could go to. The staff was incredibly friendly and not pushy at all, and the prices were right in our range. There are two in Minnesota if you want to make the trip.

Anyway, this went over pretty well, but most people flipped out a little bit when I told them the ring sat in my jewelry box for two years before we got engaged. I concede, that is a bit unusual. I don't know anyone else who's done that, but it's not like I didn't peek. I would open up the little red box every couple of weeks and admire its sparkle with a huge stupid grin on my face. I sometimes wore it when I was home alone and would think about how special it would be to be an officially engaged person. Who could resist, right?

I was told I was very patient, weird, sweet, etc. for not demanding to be engaged sooner, but it never crossed my mind. I wanted to be engaged of course, but other engagements, a big move, and life got in the way. I also didn't, and still don't, feel any sense of urgency. I never once thought we'd better hurry up because he's going to change his mind, or if we don't do it right away it'll never happen. I know our relationship is solid and we are completely committed to each other, and I don't have to prove that to anybody.

There are things I would do differently now, other companies I would look into that ethically source their metals and diamonds/semi-precious stones, and I'm looking into handcrafted Madison resources for those who want completely individual rings. More on that at a later date. I have rings on the brain now!