The Trouble With Vintage

It seems that the dominant trend on the indie white girl wedding blogs, as well as the hipster scene, is vintage. Vintage is all the rage and it's a great way to save money, resources, and cut down on consumption. One of my issues with vintage is that I just don't fit the proportions. My hips and my bust are way too big for those little dresses! Plus, I'm tall. Vintage is pretty much out for me, plus I'm not crazy about the look for myself. I'm just wondering why this has become the mainstay of so many alternative wedding blogs. It seems that if you're a mid to late 20's woman getting married and you have a blog, then your aesthetic is largely vintage leaning towards the 50's look. When did the alternagirl wedding blogosphere become so homogonized? Where are the African American, Indian, Asian wedding blogs? Can someone tell me because I haven't found them. Are only white 20-something vintage-loving women blogging about getting married on their own terms? That can't be possible.
I am a reader of some of these blogs, and while I find them very inspirational as well as a forum for discussing issues surrounding marriage and why the Wedding Industrial Complex has made getting married such a crazy process, I'm longing for something a little different. If you love vintage that's great! Go for whatever makes you you, but personally I'm looking for a little more variety. There are a million resources for vintage shops, people who make vintage style clothes, etc, etc. If I wanted that I'd be set, but I wish the blog world would showcase something a little different. For me right now, it's pretty much OffbeatBride or bust. Are you out there non-vintage wedding bloggers? Wedding bloggers of color?

I saw this Ninja Bride cake on CakeWrecks.com and I thought Andrew would like it. I showed it to him and we had the following exchange:

Me: Check it out! A ninja cake!

Him: That ninja looks pretty happy. He must have just killed something.

I love him.

Kate Middleton Wears Better Hats Than You

And me. And pretty much anybody. British ladies have this grand tradition of wearing fabulous hats at jaunty angles for special occasions, and I think that's awesome.

Check out her friend on the right! Straight class.

I am secretly in love with hats, but I never wear them because the cowboy hat is the only style that looks good on me. It's a sad, sad thing. It's because of my ears. They're pretty big and stick out a bit at the top. This past December a kid said I could be an elf with my big ears. Yeah. So, I don't wear hats, but I really want to.
I mean, come on! That hat is killer! I'm really into the idea of wearing a cocktail hat especially since I'm not crazy about veils. There's got to be something that would balance out my crazy ears. I couldn't find a millinery in Madison, but there are two schools in town with fashion design programs (UW and MATC). I don't know if they teach hat making, but it's possible. This would be a great way to use a local resource and support a poor college student.
Awesome. How can you not love that?! This last one is a little more Kentucky Derby than I'd go for, but you get the idea.

Things I Will Not Do at My Wedding

1) Bouquet toss - I loathe the bouquet toss. Any tradition that rounds up the single ladies like cattle and makes them fight tooth and nail for a bunch of flowers to signify that she, the lucky one, will be the next to get married makes me want to vomit. Marriage is an important and valuable step in a relationship if it feels right to you, but couples who choose not to get married and single women have relationships that are traditionally undervalued but just as valid. I didn't like being made a spectacle of as a single woman, and I refuse to negate your choices, future single female guests at my wedding. So, all the single ladies *all the single ladies* (I also think Beyonce is single-handedly reinforcing gender steroetypes with this crappy catchy song and others, but that's another tale for another time) you may attend without fear.

2) Garter toss - I also refuse to make a mock sexual display of myself and my husband as he ventures comically up my dress to pull off my garter and throw it to one of his dude friends. Gross. I have seen this done at other weddings and thought it was cute because the couple was into it, but when I think about doing it myself I again want to vomit.

I basically won't be tossing anything.

3) Have a head table - This is the traditional way to go, and may be a good organizational choice for larger or more formal weddings, but I hate the exclusivity and on displayness of the head table. The rest of the guests always look to the head table for their cues as to when they can eat, get up, etc. I want people to wander around freely, mingle, and not feel constrained by faux formality. That's not how we roll. I also really hate being stared at, and this would inevitably happen at a head table.

That's all the stuff I hate for now! There will be more later, I'm sure.

Becca Dilley Photography

I'm really excited to share Becca Dilley Photography with you guys because Andrew and I had a fantastic experience working with her. She is a Madison native who now lives in Minneapolis, but she loves shooting here so much she doesn't charge for travel to Madison (which I just found out from her blog). I first saw her pictures when I was an intern at the UW Press. She and her husband published a book called Master Cheesemakers of Wisconsin, and I was immediately stunned by her pictures. The lighting is georgeous and she uses a lot of interesting angles, but mostly I feel like she captures the truth of a moment with her photography...if that makes any sense.

To me, that means that instead of seeing a posed couple looking head-on into the camera in every shot, you may see a couple kissing but feel the emotion of the moment. I know that's the goal of photography, and I don't have a concise way to say it, but I feel like her pictures cut through any artiface and display what's important about capturing moments on film: human connection. Becca's images convey emotion in a way that I haven't seen a lot of wedding pictures do. Her website speaks for itself.
Photography is really important to me in general, but especially for our wedding. I love having a visual record of important events and people in my life to refer to. While this is a priority, I do not want to spend an arm and a leg. I feel like her prices are very fair, especially for an experienced wedding photographer. She could charge a lot more, but doesn't (and please don't start!) Also, booking Becca means you have her for the entire day. This is also really important to me in choosing a photographer because I do not want to pick and choose which 6 or 8 hours of the day will be the most important and need documentation. I'd rather have someone floating around all day snapping away at people laughing and having fun.

Plus, Becca herself is also really fun! We hit it off right away and were pretty much laughing the whole time. If you or your intended don't like to have your pictures taken she may be a good choice for your big day. Andrew hates having his picture taken and always makes weird faces, but he was really comfortable through the whole session and had a really good time. Having this level of comfort with someone so intimately involved in your wedding is really important, and we got there in no time. She also uses her skills and business to raise money for charity. We got our session by donating to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society through her blog fundraiser. Recently, she also donated money for each comment left on her blog to Doctors Without Borders. Gotta love a girl who runs her own business and gives back.

I could only get a couple shots from our session up, but you get the idea. Check out her website, for serious.

I'm not feeling white...

When I last gushed about my potential wedding dress I threw out the idea that I may not want to wear white. I like the idea of injecting a little color and OH. MY. GOD. Look at this shit. I know, right! Gold. A gold wedding dress. Not Vegas sequins gold, but somewhat antiqued, burnished, more subtle gold. This is so lovely, and definitely something I would wear. You can't dye something gold can you? The search continues.

There is some great advice from this post over at A Practical Wedding. Meghan writes of her wedding:

"Another thing that we did that I think helped a bunch was to make decisions and stick with them...Bought a dress-done. Picked the caterer-done...I had to stop worrying about the choices we were making and just let things be done."

Love this advice because really, with the wedding powers that be shoving pictures and advertisements down your throat you could constantly change your mind. This leads me into my second attempt at wedding dress shopping. I say attempt for a reason.
I heard about Just For You consignment store in Verona, and I really wanted to check it out for the obvious budget and environmentally friendly reasons. Once I went on my first shopping trip, I figured it would be nice to get a dress picked and in the closet. The more I have checked off my list when we set a date, the better, right? I called to get their hours and the woman asks me when I'm getting married. We haven't set a specific date, but we're thinking tentatively fall 2011. I tell her this and the following happens:

Her: I'm going to tell you something that's going to sound kind of weird, but hear me out, okay?
Me: O-kaaay...
H: (adamently) You're looking for a dress too early. You need to stop.
M: (silence)
H: I know how it is, you just got engaged, you're excited, and the first thing you want to do is get a dress. What I'm trying to save you from is buying something now, growing to hate it, and having to buy another one later.
M: ...Well....that certainly gives me something to think about. Thank you.

I've seen it happen on tv where the bride wants a dress for the ceremony and a different one for the rehearsal. That's your perrogative if you want a costume change, but I do not understand growing to hate a dress you liked enough to buy and then ditching it for a whole new one! At least think about alterations or something to make it more like what you want. Come on now, people!
Obviously she wouldn't have given me this advice if she hadn't seen this happen before, but the assumption and the delivery were all wrong. She actually said the words "you need to stop" and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know me or my plans. Also, I don't like being told what to do, especially be strangers with an air of "oh, you'll see" if I don't follow their well-meaning but totally out of place advice. I imagine it's akin to people without children telling an expectant mother how to parent. The tone of this-is-what-brides-do-and-you're-a-bride-so-you-will-obsess-over-your-dress completely turned me off in all of three minutes. Sometimes I feel like I should cut her more slack, but if this is how she views a bride simply asking for her store's hours I can't help but feel it would color the whole experience. I may end up going there in the interest of investigating another local resource and saving money, but i'll check eBay first.